Wednesday, April 23, 2014

In Retrospect...

The last months have been very hard. The first months after our return to Helsinki - at least according to my photostream - have been pale, colourless, unfinished. We have been lost to the world and to ourselves a bit. Trying to just hang in there.

In retrospect, this weird, snowless, dark winter has been a roller-coaster of negative emotions. The initial severe, numbing shock of having to come back "home" after three years in the U.S. soon turned into an excruciating feeling of loss of self and everything that was enjoyable about life.

(Losing one's soothing routines is very harmful as new routines take time to develop - in the worst case first they're but a series of have-to-do-in-order-to kind of things and do not carry any significance, let alone bring pleasure.)

The pain soon turned into a devastating rage. Rage against people (conceited!), food (disgusting!), weather (a joke?), habits (stupid!), everything (horrible!) about Finland. Everything seemed negative and it became impossible not to voice it. I voiced it, the kids voiced it and we had many conversations ending in me shouting: "Yes, I know that everything sucks! But this is what there is now, and we'll just have to deal with it!"

At the same time, life went on. Every day was a "new beginning". Which always has such a positive ring to it! New beginnings are, however, my very speciality and I know that the colours of new beginnings usually are as follows. If not altogether dark, not so bright anyway. Pale at best.

I bought a table and a few chairs, my brother lent us some mattresses...
but you still wouldn't call it a "dining room" or "bedroom", would you?

 Luis having "yummy" "cheese fondu" with some bread and apple slices...

Walk to the bus stop... In January it was pretty dark in the mornings.

Cold calls for creativity. "Layer-dressing" is what it's called here.
"Total disaster" is what it's called everywhere else.

Maia and the Cathedral of Helsinki.


Bambi has brought us comfort and consolation. God bless dis lil dog!

1 comment:

  1. The amazing restorative powers of dogs. Where would we be without them. Beautifully written post. Thank you for sharing.